I was in a strange house with a small, highly disturbed gathering. I was stood by the door when Steven Segal came through said door. He said hello and shook my hand, I was totally in awe because it’s fucking Steven Segal. Then I realised his handshake game was weak and I mentioned it. He stopped his Segal smile grabbed my hand put it into a hold, pulled and flipped me onto my back. It would have sucked but when I looked up at him he was still holding my hand in a lock but was also knelt over and smiling,holding out a glass of wine for me. How he managed to pour a glass of wine in the time I spent flipping through the air I don’t know, but I put it down to Steven Segal being Steven Segal. No questions asked. No answers needed.